matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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