I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
