The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize