I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
