There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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