Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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