I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
