Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
