Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
FUCK WHALES
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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