yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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