Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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