You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
