if i can run in heels then i can drive
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
