I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize