Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
