i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
