brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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