What a fucking waste of an outfit
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
