i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
