There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
