It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
