i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
