fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
