I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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