Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
