i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i would punch a child for taco bell
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
