It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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