If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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