Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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