"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
