yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I woke up under a house in Key West
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