my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
