my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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