worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize