I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
