that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
