This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
