forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
