i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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