I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
