cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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