so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
