it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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