if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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