My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
