So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
