I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
