When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize