Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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