Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
