just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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