I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
