kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize