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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Im going to research this theory. . .

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  Thats your rule and this car is nice

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.

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