I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
wat bout pragnant strippers??
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize