Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
