He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
