my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
