I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize