Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
sex in a hospital.. check
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
