Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
