It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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