hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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