She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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