you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
this is an emotional support booty call
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
