allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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