it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
