That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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