Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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