He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
